5 Ways to Validate Every Day, Not Only on Valentine’s Day


This week on our podcast series Your Healthy Heart (listen now), we shared with listeners 5 ways in which they could make every day feel like Valentine’s Day. And we’re not talking about the stress and dread that comes with picked over flowers, Godiva’s, and cards. We’re talking about the positive aspects of Valentine’s Day where expectations meet perfect world.

Our relationships are tender, quirky, and sometimes fragile. What if you could extend Valentine’s Day, days and months after February 14th? You can. And it won’t cost you a dollar. Here are 5 Ways you can validate your partner to make sure that Valentine’s Day lingers throughout the year.​

1. Cherish Your Partner.​
Acknowledge him or her in some way—verbally, a note, a loving gesture—each and every day to remind them of how you cherish them. Starting today, February 14, make a commitment to continue to validate one another. Mix it up. One day it might be a post it note or card; the other might be a completely undistracted moment where in your partner’s arms, you murmur, “Sometimes I have to remind myself how lucky I am to be with you.” It takes less than 1 minute, but the after effects linger for days and weeks. And if you commit to saying or doing 1 per day, think how you’ll compound your cherishing.

2. Media-Free Moments.
The second way to validate your partner to make it feel like Valentine’s Day all year long is to have a minimum of 10 minutes where all devices are off and your hands are free to touch; your ears are tuned in, and your voices are engaged in conversation. Your dialogue is not about what’s trending on twitter; it’s about your shared values—the things that are meaningful in your primary relationships. Bonus: listening automatically validates our partner and is monetarily free.

3. Act “As If.”
Have this intention and behavior every day, and it will be a holiday. Consider what pops into your mind about Valentine’s Day. If you’re like many people, you will have already thought of Valentine’s Day and what you might do because you cannot go ANYWHERE in the month of February without being barraged with red and pink. The colors are lasered into our corneas. You already have conscious thoughts about this day. Just have a conscious thought about what your partner might like every day. It does not mean you have to do a lot. Merely hold the intention in your head. Allow life’s distractions to take a back seat. Your partner is at the forefront of your consciousness.

4. I Love You
The easiest and most cost-effective and simple way to validate your partner on a daily basis is to say, “I love you.” First thing in morning and before you drift off to sleep. The most tender I love you’s can even be sleepy murmurs. Bonus, if you text, write on a post-it, or say it during the day.

5. Touch The Touchy Subject.
Share intimacy with your partner. Cuddle. Touch one another. Sometimes this is a sensitive issue; it can be touchy for many people, male and female alike. One partner might think the other is sex crazed, and the other might think the partner is practically celibate. It’s essential to talk about the touchy subjects—to be sure that you each understand one another’s feelings, thoughts, and needs. Our communication tool, the Emotional Clock®, is a great way to immediately approach any discussions, especially if there has been a lengthy time that has elapsed from intimate coupling

One partner may feel guilty about not even remembering the last time they made love, where the other partner has a mental spread sheet. What we have seen happen with our clients, is that love making becomes a bargaining chip – a negotiation. Ultimatums, consequences, withholding are all really toxic behaviors for any relationship. Resentment has no place in a heart-healthy relationship. Barriers to intimacy include biology, illness, fatigue, stress, former abuse, anxiety performance, decreased sexual appetite. Communicate about it. If one partner is fatigued or has added stress at work, talk about those issues. Seek therapeutic counseling if the obstacles warrant a professional. Get them off the table so love-making has an open door again.

This Valentine’s Day, you have the golden opportunity to lay the foundation for a beautiful heart-filled life together, not just on February 14th but every day after that throughout the entire year. Validate: Cherish. Listen. As if. ILY. Touch. We wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day and hope you will validate the days, weeks, and months that follow.

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Poppy and Geoff Spencer