09 Mar What It Feels Like When You Finally Find Your Soulmate
It’s not what you might expect!
The ancient Greeks identified several different categories of love, and at least six of them point to soulmate stuff.
A soulmate encompasses these 6 love categories:
- Eros: sexual passion and desire
- Philia: friendship that is valued more than sexuality
- Ludus: playful love
- Pragma: enduring love
- Philautia: love of self
- Agape: love for everyone
When you finally find your soulmate, your conscious mind gets taken over by what we call the “Soulmate Brain™”. It overrides cognition and practical thinking.
The Soulmate Brain operates with absolute certainty. It assumes control over the central nervous system. The soulmate brain basically says: “I’ve got this. Thanks for your help. I’ll take it from here on out.”
With your soulmate brain, you’ve zeroed in on all that is essential and important. Because you feel supported, in lock-step, and so one-voiced with your partner, you feel as though you can take on any challenge. Let the soulmate person lavish you with love and dignity because you feel like you’ve got an endless reserve of agape.
We have a unique perspective as we met our soulmates twice: we are a husband and wife team who lost and found love. As college sweethearts, we were separated for three decades because of a slight misunderstanding and a lack of communication skills.The reason we know that soulmates exist is that we no longer scoff at the idea of soulmates. After our college breakup, we both experienced soulmate-less relationships before we found one another again.
And although we had different life experiences and different perspectives, we now have the same definition of soulmate — the same feeling of being a soulmate and having a soulmate.
“We had no contact or communication for thirty-two-years until I decided to look her up. Through the magic of online searches and social media, I found Poppy in minutes and gave her a call. My expectations were set low, and I was prepared for another brush-off. The best I could imagine would be a pleasant chat and a shared wonder of how we were both now twice-divorced.
“I was stunned to hear that Poppy had looked for me three times over those three decades, as she hadn’t wanted to break up. She misunderstood my lack of discussion of a future together back in college as a lack of sincerity. Thirty-two years later, we realized we still had the foundation that held the same love and passion for each other.
“So, what does it feel like when you meet your soulmate again? I couldn’t wait for the next conversation or text or email. I felt the same excitement as a young man getting that dream date with the girl he thought would never go out with him. I rediscovered the magical romantic lyrics in songs that I long ago pushed aside. I felt the deep yearning to be with this wonderful woman who I did not understand to be my soulmate so many years ago, but now saw so clearly as the one I was always supposed to be with.”
We developed a term in our bestselling book, One Billion Seconds, that we call “Cognitive Bypass™”.
When one’s thoughts are verbalized without filtering — no intervention from the mind to censor thoughts — is the language of Soulmate-speak. In essence, it is speaking from the heart.
“Rushing water throughout my body, was the initial sensation when I first realized it was Geoff calling me. We had to develop the phenomenon of Cognitive Bypass™ because we had never experienced this dynamic before. It felt like coming home, as if the thoughts in my head, and the emotions in my heart, could finally be shared with only this one person.
“I walked on a tiled floor and felt grateful for the straight lines of the tiles to serve as a reminder to contain the emotional excitement that consumed, well…my soul. I already knew that the phone conversations had cemented the Soulmatedness of us, before we had even seen one another in 30 years. My senses were sharp: I saw color as though I’d just had some sort of emotional cataract surgery on my soul. The birds outside my backyard window and the squirrels running on the tree limbs also embraced my newly found soulmate status. I just knew they celebrated too. I became a soulmate cliché, sappy and eye-rolling ridiculous. And I didn’t care.
“Our first few weeks together, Geoff got concerned with the stunned expression on my face, that we later referred to as the Sound of Music, Maria-in-the-garden-with-the-Captain look. My face revealed a push/pull of emotions that I could not process, nor reconcile the speed with which my emotions soared. My rational brain could not keep up with the fast-moving euphoric cells.”
When you find your soulmate, you already have a high level of Philautia, the self-love that is the cornerstone of any relationship. Your entire body and mind are at peace.
Everyone else, including strangers and pets, see it in you: the energy you bring to every aspect of your life; the excitement you can’t contain; the complete trust you have in this person you want to share your life with; the blessings of your children who have never seen you so happy; your parents who see the pure joy in their child that they had not seen in a long time; the friends and co-workers who can’t get over how happy you look.
When you finally find your soulmate, you cannot go to the dentist for your semi-annual cleaning. There’s just no way you can force your mouth away from its horizontal happiness proof.
You giggle at the most ridiculous interior thoughts you have, like why are you spending time looking at coconut air freshener at the car wash when you have allergies to that stuff?
Your euphoria is contagious in epidemic proportions. All your friends want some of the blissful energy and you are happy to share. And when the cynical, insecure, and envious friend points out the flaws and errors of your soulmate-y claim, it does not ruffle you in the least because you feel, and know, in your heart, “this is it.”
When you finally find your soulmate, all of those movies that you sneered at (and didn’t cry through) for being too clichéd and rom-commy, suddenly appeal to you, and you need Kleenex.
“Wait, what? You never cried before in The Notebook?”
When you finally discover your soulmate, you experience Cognitive Bypass™. You speak from your heart, not afraid to share your vulnerabilities and deepest emotions. All the barriers that might prevent your relationship from moving forward, vanish into the ether or evaporate even before they’re identified.
For us, it included: blended families, dying parents, geography, careers, family, and friends.
You dismiss the voices of naysayers who cannot comprehend the depth of love you feel. In the recesses of your mind, you wonder if there are any practical things you’ve overlooked.
And you haven’t, of course, because once your Soulmate Brain is running the show, you live your happily-ever-after soulmate life embodying the mind, body, and heart of the centuries-old Greeks. You feel every cognitive, physical, intellectual, and emotional cell in your mind and body ping in confirmation.
As if you have a lifetime subscription to Soulmate Life, you’ll never have the feeling of opting out or unsubscribing, because you feel gratitude and savor every day with your Pragma partner.
Your heart and mind inform you as one voice, and you recognize that you’ve found your heart’s one true love because you’ve added the word, soulmate, to your vocabulary for the first time. Ever.